of sins and scars
by S.J Carter
Summary: Has no one told you that she's not breathing? —-KolElena


_Le notes: _Requested by slightlytwisted84. And my sister suggested the prompts because I needed help writing these two, so I asked her for advice because she's my bestie. Prompts are: nightmare, death, insomnia, breath, and blood. Lyrics are from Evanescence.

_Summary:_ Has no one told you that she's not breathing? —-KolElena

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**of sins and scars**

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** ._. **

hello, i'm the lie,  
living for you so you can hide  
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She doesn't sleep much anymore, and because of that, she doesn't dream much either. But when she does sleep, she's exhausted or she feels drugged. Never does she manage to fall asleep quietly, naturally, or gradually. It's always hard, silent, and heavy. Similar to the feeling of being hit by a cold and powerful whirlwind and knocking her out cold. Her nights, at times, are dreamless. And truth be told, on those rare nights, she finds solace.

Though, on the nights where she does dream, she dreams of horror.

He will always take the same face and form; dark hairs and eyes, pale skin over white bones, flesh thick and so visually accurate that she thinks that he is real. Only he can't be, because she still remembers the look on his face when he had burnt to a crisp.

However, in her dreams, he is not the one who is covered in blood.

She is.

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She washes her hands constantly (_out damn spot, out I say_). So much so that the skin over her fingers become wrinkly and ugly.

"Elena, are you okay?" Jeremy would question, glancing over the sink filled with invisible blood. He looks worried and concerned, but he's not living a lie. Unlike his foolish older sister who is.

"Of course," she lies, avoiding her reflection in the mirror. "Of course I am."

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He had vowed to haunt her from the day he died until the day that she dies. And he did just that, even if he was unaware of it.

She lives her entire life in fear, feeling watched, turning around every now and then to look over her shoulder, only to realize that nothing's behind her. There is a howling of the winds, cricket songs, and birds chirping. Sometimes, she thinks she hears footsteps or screams. As it turns out, there is nothing there. Ironically so, she doesn't feel relieved.

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"Can you breathe?" Damon asks, one night after she wakes up, screaming. "Elena, can you breathe?" She doesn't answer him then, falling to to complete even the most basic type of _human_ actions.

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It's not guilt; at least, not the kind of guilt that she would gear towards him. Because he had turned her brother against her and would have ended her if she hadn't ended him first. It's horror and macabre: a fear so deluded that she thinks that he is even more terrifying that Niklaus's vow to avenge him. She wonders why she has yet to lose her mind (Finn, Connor, and now—). She hates it, and she feels as if a phantom is around her whenever she happens to accidentally glance twice in to a mirror.

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A younger version of herself stares back at her in her childhood photos. A girl so benevolent and pitiful has now become some monster, some _killer_. Who knows how many have perished with the extinction of his bloodline? Someone's mother, someone's brother, someone's friend?

All she can do is cry.

"What's the matter?" A child would ask her, innocently passing by the park bench she chose to weep upon. "Why are you so sad?" She looks in to the four-year old's innocent eyes, irises swimming in hopes and dreams.

And she says; "can't you tell," she wishes that a child will never again look upon her with such sweet eyes, she doesn't deserve such kindness. "just by looking at me?" All the child does is shake his head. She repeats herself then, for she is unable to speak of anything else. "Can't you just tell?"

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**End**

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_Le more notes: _I hope I did Kolena justice. I've never written them before but hopefully this was still somewhat good enough. Don't forget to leave me review telling me what you thought! Feedback is always appreciated!

**_—Xoxo Carter_**


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